Stretch marks or cracks in the mirror?

In the 20-add years since I last posted regular updates and short stories from my end, I have grown to be a different person. But also the same. 

I am more cynical. Quicker to anger. More action than words, because now, I am an adult. With some agency. I guess that's another way I've grown: spiteful. Nobody likes it, but in an age of fragile egos and a lack of accountability, it's an effective way to get what is owed, and protect the important things. 

In expressing my discontent with the world and its systems, however, I realise that people hearing me tend to think that I must have a sad, angry, bitter life. 

This is a glimpse of my life now though...

I guess one can have fun in life and be critical of people and systems at the same time. 

I think this dichotomy annoys people though. Characters in general with 'depth' are well-lived only in stories. The same characters when reflected in real-life, receive eulogies mentioning them as 'complicated'. I think that dichotomy annoys me though, and hence I annoy them right back by calling it 'hypocrisy' or 'double-standards'.  (The problem is once you trigger people, they don't want to leave you alone... or they leave you/set you up to die. There is no in-between). 

It's as if we were two sides of a mirror, with the reflection touching fingers. Over time, we grew to push each other away with every ounce of new strength gained. 

But the mirror could only take so much, and it cracked. Now no matter how hard we try, we can't ignore that things don't look the same anymore. 

"That's not like me any more."

"You're so weird."

"I don't do that." 

"You should dress like this."

I miss silence. 

Absolute silence.